I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
