Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
