dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
