I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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