Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
