1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My balls are so social today.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
