my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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