The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
