Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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