Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
