did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
