hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
