I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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