Umm I'm too high to move.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
