John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.â€
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