Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
