Umm I'm too high to move.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
