When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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