Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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