Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
