I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
