I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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