They should really pass out barf bags in church
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
