My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
