I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
