So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
