You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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