told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
bring money and cleavage
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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