So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
