He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
