I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
