Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
