she looked like the before picture.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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