all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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