I accidentally burped into my bong.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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