My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
