im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
