I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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