This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
