im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
