scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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