Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
