Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
