i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
