i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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