we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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