i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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