I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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