Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
