I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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