You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
