Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
