if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
