I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
