if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
