I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
