recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize