so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
