Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
