she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
