I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
