watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
