i think i have two assholes
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
