If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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