Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
