apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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