I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
