i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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