I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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