Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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