Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
