My hand turned me down
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
