hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
