Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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