I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
