Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
