yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
