yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
with your own penis?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
