He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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